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Marriage Experience
Stats: 4,557 words / Reading Time: 22.79 mins

Published: Tuesday 11th June 2019

Marriage Experience is read 271 times on CentreNDL.org 271

Marriage Experience

The Foundation of Ministry Expression

What the Holy Spirit would be doing with us is to help us see the interconnectivity and how marriage and ministry are interwoven and how they produce similar results. How you can't separate marriage from ministry and ministry from marriage; that is how God has ordained it from the beginning.

We will start our observation from John 2:1-11.

 1 On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2 Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. 3 And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine." 4 Jesus said to her, "Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not yet come." 5 His mother said to the servants, "Whatever He says to you, do it."6 Now there were set there six water pots of stone, according to the manner of purification of the Jews, containing twenty or thirty gallons apiece. 7 Jesus said to them, "Fill the water pots with water." And they filled them up to the brim. 8 And He said to them, "Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast." And they took it. 9 When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom.10And he said to him, "Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!"11 - This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him.

John 2:1-11 (NKJV)

Now in verse 11, the bible makes us understand that this was the beginning of signs that Jesus was showing in ministry. It happened at a wedding. Now, when we talk about ministry and we talk about marriage, what is the connection? I would like to explain something that will serve as a background as we carry on in our conversation.


Ministry appears to be a public expression. When you are in ministry or when you are engaged in ministry, it’s a public expression, a public expression of your role, of a part that God has called you to play in His grand agenda and plan. Ministry usually is not private, it’s public. It has to do with people, that’s why it’s public. So, when we talk about ministry, we are talking about a public expression of a person, a man or a woman and that expression in the context of ministry is in relation to your role and your assignment in the grand agenda of God on the earth. Now, when we talk about marriage and which we are going to see in several scriptures, marriage is private, God instituted marriage, and I want us to see Genesis 2 where God actually instituted marriage. In Genesis 2, what happened? Why did God introduce marriage?


18 And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."

Genesis 2: 18 (NKJV)

So, this was the idea, this was the agenda, out of everything God created there was no helper for man. So God said ‘I will make him a helper comparable to Him’.

22 Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."

Genesis 2: 22- 23 (NKJV)

For this reason, marriage had to be instituted,

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. When this happens then there is marriage so a man will leave his father and mother, and would cleave to his wife and they would become one flesh 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2: 24-25 (NKJV)

Ministry is public but marriage is private. Marriage is between two parties, when you look at the vertical relationship, it’s a man and his wife. No other person was mentioned here. Marriage is instituted when a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife and the two becomes one flesh. So it is private. But ministry is public.


Then we want to now look at what the interconnectivity is between this private experience and this public expression. Why is this private experience important in this public expression? That is what the Holy Spirit would be helping us to see. Where we read in John 2, there is something that was very fascinating there, that was mentioned in verse 6. It says in John 2 verse 6 ‘Now there were set there six water pots of stone, according to the manner of purification of the Jews, containing twenty or thirty gallons apiece.’


For the first time there is a link between religion as it were or ministry and the wedding. These details would not have been given if it was not relevant. At the place where marriage was to be instituted or consummated, there was a link between that and ministry. He mentioned six pots specifically and we are going to look at six expressions of ministry that is strongly linked with marriage. We want to look at these six water pots, how they link, how there is an interconnectivity between this private experience, called marriage and the public expression called ministry.


I want to start by looking at proverbs 18 which would be our first point: Proverbs 18:22, the Bible says ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD’.


In Ephesians 5, if you read from verse 15, when Apostle Paul was talking about marriage and the mystery therein. It talked about marriage, and it talked about Christ and the Church. And you will see that everything he was referring to there in the marriage relationship, it was like a shadow of the real experience between Christ and the church. One thing I discovered is that a man can never give what he does not have, and that's the foundation of these six expressions. A man cannot express a favor he has not experienced. So for a man to experience favor in ministry, he must have experienced it in marriage, and the bible says here that ‘the man that finds a wife finds a good thing and he obtains favor from the Lord’.


Listen to Podcast: Marriage: The Foundation of Ministry Expression


So, favor is a private experience in his marriage that he brings it into public expression in ministry. God established ministry as an expression of God’s favour. When God chooses to favour a people, he sends a man, he sends a woman who plays a role or a part in His grand agenda. And in the same way in marriage, there lies a favour. The experience of favour in marriage leads to an expression of favour in ministry. So, if you are in marriage and you are not experiencing favour, you cannot express favour in ministry because ministry is an expression of God’s favour to His people. They did not deserve it but God chose to show them His favour but if you have not obtained favor from the Lord in marriage, you cannot express it in ministry. No wonder many ministers are struggling.


In 1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV), Apostle Peter was talking about something fundamental there, when he was talking to husbands and wives and in verse 7 he mentioned here that: Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. So, if you don't have a private experience of favour, you can't have a public expression of it. That means there is no ministry.


The second expression that we would be looking at, that is a strong link between ministry and marriage is goodness.


I want us to track back a little bit from Genesis 1:1 when God started creating. He created the lights and the darkness and He looked at it and He said it was good. He created so many things and He looked at what He created and He said it was good. Until this point God had not found faults and in Genesis chapter 2 verse 18, And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."


God found fault and He said I will correct it, I will make Him a helper comparable to him. So marriage is a private experience of goodness. God brings goodness. He brought Eve as goodness into the life of Adam. The same way God brings your wife into your life as goodness. So, if you don't have the private experience of goodness, you can't have a public expression of goodness because ministry is an extension of God’s goodness. You can't say you are in ministry and you can't express God’s goodness and it is founded on your marriage relationship. If you have not received that goodness of God, you cannot express it.


Number 3, also from this Scripture Genesis 2:18, God said ‘I will make Him a helper comparable to him’: Ministry serves as a platform for help.


I want us to also examine Ecclesiastics 4:9-12, such a powerful scripture.

9 - Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 - Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastics 4.9 (NKJV)

See what it says in verse 10b: ‘therefore he has no one to help Him’. God created marriage as a private experience of help. Marriage is supposed to express help, that's one of the fundamental reasons why God created marriage. The marriage union is supposed to produce a formidable force and ministry serves as a platform for help. When God wants to send help to a people, does He come down Himself? He sends a minister. When the children of Israel were wallowing in Egypt, in their slavery situation, God heard their cry, and what did He do? He sent the ministry of Moses to help them out of their situation.


Until Moses was sent, they remained in their situation. So when Moses came, there was a shift, there was a provision of help, so the same way in marriage, when a woman comes into the life of a man, that woman comes as a help and the man’s situation would remain the same until the woman comes and helps to shift and change the situation. So, if a man has not experienced help in marriage, He cannot express help in expression.


Number 4, on how ministry and marriage are strongly linked and connected: just like ministry is an answer and a solution, marriage is an answer and a solution.

9 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun.

Ecclesiastics 9:9 (NKJV)

One thing I want us to take from there is ‘He has given you for that is your portion’ that is your solution, that is your answer. And I want us to also notice that in Ecclesiastics 4 that we read from verse 9 it says, ‘two are better than one because they have a good reward’. They have a good solution to offer, ‘they have a good reward for their labour, for if one falls, one will lift up its companion’. So, marriage is a solution.


I want us to also see Psalms 127. I love that scripture, it talks about the fruits of marriage, the evidence of it and what it does.


3 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalms 127:3-4 (NKJV)

They will have an answer for the private experience of marriage. The private experience of marriage leads to

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the public expression of ministry. So, if a man or woman gets it wrong in marriage; you cannot give what you don't have. So, marriage is a solution and an answer just like ministry.


God uses ministries to answer questions. God uses ministries to solve problems. The same way your marriage has been ordained by God to give answers and to give solutions. So, if you are in a marriage that is not giving any answer, it’s not proffering any solution then you should check that marriage well and ask the Lord to help you because God has ordained marriage to be an answer, He has ordained it to be a solution, there is a problem your marriage is called to solve just like your ministry is called to solve a problem.


There is an answer that your ministry must deliver just like your marriage must deliver an answer. There is something that you are called to answer in your generation, marriage is not for fun, it’s for function. Your private experiences must cumulate necessarily into public expressions.


I remember the story of Aquilla and Priscilla in the scriptures, such a powerful couple, they have been studying the word together in their closets, they have been enjoying the Holy Spirit until they understood that their private experience is not just for them. They encountered Apollos and their private experience translated into a public expression.


They were able to call the brother aside and they taught him from their private experience and that brother was on fire expressing it publicly, what that marriage produced in him. What answer is your marriage producing? What is the solution your marriage is proffering? It is very important in the heart of God. So you must take it to heart.


When we look at people that have marital problems that are in ministry today, go and check it. The bible says "if the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do?" That ministry is always at the verge of ship wreck, because the foundation that is carrying that ministry, which is that man of God has been affected. It's just a ticking time bomb, it will affect the whole ministry because there is no longer any experience that will carry the expression and I pray the Lord will help us in Jesus name.


So that we give attention to what is important; many people are so consumed by the expressions that they forget that it is the experiences that birth the expressions, when you leave your wife at home, care less about her spiritual life and growth and you are busy going all round, you will come back after that expression, you will come back because there can't be that expression without the experience. And if there is no experience, there is no expression. It’s but a matter of time, time is the revealer of truth. You can be burning based on the experience you have gotten so far but it’s a matter of time before the expression would fade, because there is no experience to back it up.


Number 5: Ministry Is A War Strategy Of God, Just Like Marriage Is A War Strategy Of God.

That place we read in Ecclesiastics 4, it says "if they fall one would lift up the companion but woe to him who is alone when he falls for he has no one to lift him up". Your marriage is fighting a battle and you must be conscious of it. There is something that God has called that marriage to fight because the reason why you are fighting is because God has called that marriage to deliver something because what God has called that marriage to deliver is Anti the devil, it is against his plans and his schemes. He will fight you, so marriage is a war strategy of God just like ministry is a war strategy of God.


 So, in your mind, don't be ignorant that you are fighting the battle you are fighting, except your marriage is not in the plan of God. If you are a minister and you are married, you are fighting a battle and you must not be ignorant of it because if you cannot win in your marriage, you cannot win in ministry. If you are not celebrating victories in your marriage, you can't celebrate it in your ministry because your private experiences are what will feed your public expressions.


So, you and your wife must be prayer partners, because you are joined together in this private battle, you can have people that are praying in the church, in the ministry but you and your wife must have a dedicated time of praying together because you are fighting a battle, and that battle must be won. God uses ministries and marriages to confront and fight specific battles.


What my marriage is fighting is different from what yours is fighting because our assignment is different and what God has instituted our marriage for is different from the purpose yours was instituted. We must be conscious of it. So, my marriage is God’s warfare strategy. So just like in ministries, you are taking over territories. In your marriage, you are taking over territories. Just like in marriage, you must be fruitful. In ministry, you must be fruitful. You must multiply in marriage you must multiply in ministry. You must subdue and have dominion in marriage. You must subdue and have dominion in ministry because your private experiences will feed your public expressions.


Number 6 which will be our final point: Marriage and ministry are intertwined in the level of fellowship.

Ministry serves as a means of fellowship of like minds, Apostle Paul often admonishes, ‘do not forsake the gathering of brethren’, ‘brethren’ talks about brothers and sisters of like minds. Ministry brings together men and women of like minds. Just the same way in marriage, Adam said concerning Eve ‘this is now the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh’ we share the same identity. We share the same likeness, we share the same nature. So, marriage is about fellowship of like minds, you and your wife must have the same mind. Just like in ministry, it is necessary. That was why God was angry with Aaron and Miriam. He said ‘this is the ministry I have called you to, why are you busy speaking against my servant and friend Moses. Why are you not of the same mind with him?’ And God called them out and punished them.


In ministry, there has to a fellowship of like minds. For there to be results, for there to be progress, it must be a fellowship of like minds. So, for any marriage to make progress, you must fellowship with your wife, you must fellowship with your husband in the same mind. You must share fellowship, commune together, that's the way you make progress, that's the way you advance the cause of God. The bible says ‘a house divided against itself cannot stand.’ So, there must be fellowship. In your marriage, there must be fellowship, there must be union in ministry. You can't express the grand agenda of God in division that's why the bible is always calling us in to unity of faith, unity of purpose, bringing us all together under the umbrella of our head Jesus Christ.


You can't be running AWOL on your own. You will run AWOL, if you are not careful and you will run AWOL in ministry, if you have ran AWOL in marriage because if there is no fellowship in your home, no proper union in your home, you will carry that divisive spirit into ministry, that's why we have to be careful. There is such a strong bond between marriage and ministry.


These are the six expressions that the Holy Spirit has released to us. It is important for us to understand this foundation. You can't excuse marriage from ministry, there are some brothers that would say, ‘you know what? The way this thing is going, I don't want to get married. Marriage is like the necessary evil, I don't want to be involved in it’ but marriage is a gift of God to you, God gifts you with marriage so that your private experiences can lead to public expressions. If you don't have it, you can't give it.


So, if God has been pressing and leading you in the area of marriage, understand that there is something God wants you to experience, so that you would be able to express it and I pray the Lord will help you in the name of Jesus


Marriage  Ministry  Goodness  Help  God  Favour  Marriage  The Foundation of Ministry Expression  Marriage  The Foundation of Ministry Expression  Gboyega Adedeji  CentreNDL  New Dimension Leadership  Leadership Coach  Life Coaching  Abuja  Bwari  Nigeria 

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